


Turn It Off

by Gatoraaade



Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, F/M, I'll probably cover the book thing, Internalized Homophobia, Kevin Price Needs a Hug, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sexuality Crisis, THE BOOK THING, anxious kevin, kevin isnt doing too well, the poor boy is so confused
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23421520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gatoraaade/pseuds/Gatoraaade
Summary: Kevin Price was not gay. There was no way he could be gay. He was a good mormon boy and good mormon boys are not gay.
Relationships: Arnold Cunningham/Nabulungi Hatimbi, Elder "Connor" McKinley/Kevin Price
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first multi chapter fic and im not quite sure where im going with it so im sorry for any inconsistencies

His mission was not going like he planned. It was supposed to be perfect; he was supposed to be paired with Elder Green, he was supposed to go to Orlando. Instead he was stuck in Uganda with the worst companion possible after getting his bags stolen and listening to the villagers say f you to Heavenly Father.  
But at least it couldn't get any worse than it was. He just couldn't wait to get to the mission hut and meet the other elders that actually cared about the mission.  
"This is where my father asked me to bring you, the others like you should be inside." Nabulungi said, pointing to the door of the mission hut.  
"Thank you Jon Bon Jovi!" Elder Cunningham yelled.  
Kevin sighed. He couldn't even bother to try and pronounce her name?  
"Nabulungi" she corrected him.  
"Na Bon Jovi," he said.  
Kevin rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry" he said gesturing towards Cunningham. "We really appreciate your help Nabulungi."  
"Oh hey!" Cunningham called excitedly. "You did that really good!"  
Kevin smiled and nodded, turning his attention back to Nabulungi.  
They talked a bit about the church and she warned them about keeping the windows closed, before they could finally head inside.  
Kevin was actually starting to feel better about the mission. Nabalungi had agreed to talk to them about the church. Maybe he really could make a difference here. Maybe everything would be alright.  
“Hello?” Kevin called out.  
"The new recruits are here!" He heard a voice shout.  
The rest of the elders cheered excitedly. Kevin smiled as the short red headed boy pranced across the hut to them.  
“Welcome Elder Price!” He said as he shook Kevin’s hand.  
Kevin stared at him in shock. He had never seen someone so attractive in his life. Despite how short he was, he seemed very strong with his uniform showing off his slightly toned arms, Kevin wondered if the rest of his body was as toned as his arms were. Oh no that was not something he should be thinking, he was on his mission trip he had to get over thoughts like this.  
“I am Elder McKinley, current district leader for this area of the Uganda mission.” He said snapping Kevin out his thoughts.  
“Great to meet you.” He responded anxiously whipping his sweaty palms on his pants. Everything was fine, it's not like he could read his thoughts. No one here knew about the horrible thoughts plaguing Kevin’s mind, he was safe. He just had to get himself in check.  
"And my name is Elder Church, originally from the great city of Cheyenne, Wyoming." Another Elder about the same height as McKinley said as he shook Kevin and Elder Cunningham's hands.  
“Elder Micheals from Provo.” another Elder introduced himself.  
“Elder Thomas! But everyone here calls me Elder Poptarts because I love 'em so much!” said a boy even shorter than Mckinley.  
“And that’s Elder Neely and Elder Davis.” McKinley added pointing to two boys towards the back of the group.  
“Oh boy, that’s a lot to remember.” Kevin said with an awkward laugh.  
The room went silent. Oh frick!  
‘We all have name tags!’ Kevin thought.  
“Well sit! Sit, please!” Elder McKinley said leading them over to the couch.  
“Thank you.” Kevin replied, nervously rubbing his hands up and down his legs as he took his seat next to Elder Cunningham.  
“We've all been here about three months now. Spreading the word of Christ, and saving the souls of the fine Ugandan people through Baptism!” McKinley said.  
“How many have you baptized so far?” Kevin asked.  
“Uhh… zero.” The other elders mumbled in disappointed agreement.  
“That’s practically nothing.” Elder Cunningham said. Kevin really hoped he was being sarcastic.  
Everything was so much worse than he thought it was. He was so dumb to think it couldn’t get any worse. He had only been here for a few minutes and he already was having unclean thoughts about the district leader nonetheless and there was the baptism thing. This was not good. Why was this happening to him? What had he done to disappoint God this much? Why was he being punished? Was it because of these thoughts? He had tried so hard not to think about the things that Elder Green, and now Elder McKinley, had made him feel. It wasn’t right. Kevin was not gay. There was no way he could be gay. He was a good mormon boy and good mormon boys are not gay. There had to be some other explanation for this. “Oh boy.” He said to no one in particular.  
“Hey, what is it partner?” Elder Cunningham asked, gently placing a hand on his shoulder.  
Kevin went back to rubbing his hands up and down his pant legs. “I’m just a little confused right now, okay?” He prayed to god no one would ask him what he was confused about, because if someone asked he would have to tell them. He couldn't lie because lying was a sin and if he refused to answer that would just raise even more questions.  
“Oh confused.” the other Elders muttered almost in unison.  
“Well, Elder, that is natural. There are certainly a lot of things here in Uganda that can be... disturbing.” The others nodded. “But your mission has officially started, which means you have to do what we have all done and turn it off.”  
“Turn it off huh?”  
“Yeah it’s super easy not to feel that way. When you start to get confused because of all the thoughts in your head, just don’t feel those feelings!”  
“I wish it were that easy.”  
“Oh but it is. We do it all the time. That way we can keep our focus on our mission”  
“When I was little my dad used to treat my mom real bad” Elder Church chimed in. “Whenever the Utah Jazz would lose he would start drinking and I would start thinking ‘How am I going to keep my mom from getting abused?’ and I’d see how scared she was and it felt like my soul was dying,” Tears filled the elder’s eyes. “And he would say to me ‘if you start crying you’ll end up just like your mom’ ” Elder Thomas looked up towards the ceiling as if he were willing the tears to go away. “ And so I just turned it off!” He said plastering an obviously fake smile onto his face.  
Elder Thomas stepped forward next. “I had an older sister, she was an amazing dancer, wanted to be a professional, but then she got cancer.The doctor told us she still had two months left. And so I went to the Apple Store and I waited in line for the new iPhone. When I got to the hospital later that day my parents told me that she had passed away, and that her last words were ‘Where is my brother?’ The guilt of not being with her for the last moments of his life and the fear that I could get cancer too were too much and so I turned it off.”  
Everyone turned to Elder McKinley as if they were expecting him to talk next. He laughed awkwardly. “When I was in 5th grade I had this friend named Steve Blade. We were best friends. We did everything together. The one day I noticed that I was having very strange feelings for Steve. I thought about us on a deserted island. We'd swim naked in the sea and then he’d try and-” He cut himself off abruptly with another nervous laugh. “Turn it off.”  
Kevin couldn’t believe it; he wasn’t the only one who was struggling with thoughts like this. Not that McKinley could ever know, especially since he seemed to be the source of them, but if he could turn them off then so could Kevin.  
“Oh you know what! I’ll show you something that helps me turn it off!” McKinley said, running towards the bedrooms. When he came back he was wearing tap shoes and had on a sparkly pink vest. "I've danced my entire life and it just helps me forget about things." he said with an awkward laugh. "This is from a musical called Newsies."  
He began to tap and Kevin was mesmerized. He made it look effortless, despite just how fast his feet were moving. Kevin's eyes trailed up his body slowly.  
'He looked even better when he was dancing.' He thought. Kevin didn't even know someone's butt could look so good. Oh no that's something he should be thinking. He definitely couldn't be thinking things like that.  
Kevin looked down at his lap willing the thoughts to go away. 'oh no, oh no' he thought as he realized that he had gotten a hard-on from watching him dance. This was really bad. This couldn't be happening. He crossed his legs in an attempt to conceal it, his face turning red with shame.  
He saw Elder Cunningham shift in the corner of his vision. Kevin prayed he wouldn't look over at him, but he did. He looked away quickly and Kevin was sure he had noticed. Instead of questioning it he reached over and placed a pillow on Kevin's lap, not taking his eyes off of Elder McKinley. Maybe his companion wasn't all that bad after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know that this is super short but the writer's block has been bad and i wanted to make sure yall knew i didnt forget about this fic.

The next morning Kevin did everything in his power to avoid Elder McKinley. But it was almost impossible to avoid someone in such a small hut. Not only that but McKinley was the district leader meaning he was constantly checking up on the other boys. Kevin only managed to avoid him until he was cleaning up breakfast, which in all honesty was longer than he had thought he’d be able to.  
"Good morning Elder Price!" Elder McKinley chimed walking into the kitchen.  
Kevin jumped at the sound of Elder McKinley's voice. "Good Morning Elder McKinley."  
"Listen Elder, I'm not dumb, I know that you're trying to avoid me, and I know why." he said taking a seat across from Kevin at the table.  
Kevin felt like he could burst into tears and his heart was beating so fast that he was sure if it beat any faster he'd have a heart attack. He absentmindedly started wiping his sweaty palms on his pants as he tried to calm his nerves. "You do?" he asked, trying and failing to keep his voice at an even tone.  
"Well it's pretty obvious."   
Kevin was suddenly having a much harder time breathing.   
"I'm not gay, you know that right?"  
"Yeah, of course you're not." That was it, he was going to start crying right there and embarrass himself even more than he already had.  
"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, my gay thoughts are completely under control. I’m not going to come on to you or anything.”  
Kevin stared at him in surprise. He wasn’t found out, all of that panic was for nothing. Not that did much to calm him down, at least he was able to breathe normally again. “Oh, no I never thought you were. I was just a bit surprised, that’s all.”  
“Oh, so it doesn’t make you uncomfortable at all?”  
“No, not really.”  
“Then why are you avoiding me?”  
No no no no no no no no, his panic was coming back, this time much stronger. What was he supposed to say? He couldn’t admit to having unclean thoughts if he was going to be the next prophet. But at the same time he couldn’t lie, if he lied he would be going straight to hell and he had worked too hard to give up his chance of Planet Orlando for this.   
“You scare me?” Why did that come out as a question? Elder Mckinley was going to think that he was lying. Technically it wasn’t a lie, he was scared of him, he was making him feel things that he definitely shouldn't have been feeling and that was terrifying.  
Mckinley laughed. “I promise that you have nothing to be scared of.”  
Kevin laughed awkwardly. “Well I should go, we have a long day of spreading the word of the lord” He said, pasting on his best missionary training center approved smile.   
"Okay, I'll see you at lunch Elder."  
At first it seemed like converting the Africans was going to be an extremely difficult task. Kevin's first attempt at spreading the word of christ ended with the doctor informing him that he had maggots in his scrotum. Which was not something that he needed to know. The second attempt on the other hand seemed to go a lot smoother. Sure he didn't get any placements but he got them to listen to the full story, that had to be something right? Maybe some of them would want a follow up. Things were starting to look up.   
“Jumamosi!” a deep voice yelled. The villagers cowered.  
Kevin felt his panic starting to rise, not having any idea what was happening and why everyone was so scared. Whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading i hope you enjoyed. hopefully it will take me less time to write the next chapter and it will be longer. pls leave kudos and a comment if you enjoyed! i love hearing from yall

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed please leave a comment with your thoughts


End file.
